I’m finally getting into my own running niche. And I have to say I LOVE it.

One special characteristic of my getting –fit regimen is that I decided to veto scales and weight. I’ve always known that muscle weighs more than fat, and honestly the pressure of being a certain number just makes me feel stressed and claustrophobic.

I don’t want to work my butt off (pun intended) only to find I’ve lost no weight, or gained weight. As women we obsess over that number on the scale when really we should be listening to our own bodies more.

I don’t need a number to tell me if I’m healthy or not. I can look in the mirror and see what needs improvement. I can tell by how my body feels and what I’m eating. So to not over analyze what a silly scale says I weigh, I’ve come up with my own method.
I decided am going to weigh myself by how I feel and my progress. And this week I give myself an A+. I can tell my clothes are starting to fit better, and in general I have more energy. Who knows if I actually look better or if the exercise is just boosting my confidence, but either way I feel great and that’s really what this is all about. After all, weight “ain’t nothin’ but a number baby.” I think that’s supposed to be age but, you get my drift.

Playing on the same team

Something interesting happened this weekend.

I was walking through a parking lot with one of my friends and she pointed out a woman in front of us who looked to be about our age. She commented on how pretty the woman was and before I could stop the word vomit, I replied, “Yeah, but she’s way too skinny.”

The second the words came out I was mortified. Too skinny? Are you kidding me? Am I not right this second working on a blog about feeling too chubby? Shame on me.

My friend nodded in agreement and that was the end of the conversation between us, but the beginning of the conversation in my head. Weekly I preach about finding ways to feel confident in my own skin and being healthy, and yet I so easily turned around and put down a fellow woman.

One important question came to my mind: when did we as women stop being on the same team and start viewing each other as the enemy?

I started picturing this woman as one of my friends, who if I had heard some stranger degrading I would be furious. My friend M with her amazing body that she works so hard for, but will never realize just how beautiful she is. J with her womanly curves that I think makes her beautiful and sexy, but she is insecure about. And every single one of the women I love for their individuality. I wouldn’t hesitate to defend these women against anyone. Yet I let my own jealousy and insecurity turn to negativity to put this person down?

I wanted to walk up to this stranger and apologize for my behavior. I stopped myself only because she hadn’t heard me and would be thoroughly confused by my attempted explanation. So I’m apologizing to the internet instead.

To the anonymous skinny girl that I unfairly judged, I apologize and I commend you on your look and your confidence. I hope you know that you truly are gorgeous and you didn’t deserve the negative comments that stemmed from my own jealousy. You go girl. And p.s., cute shoes.

I don’t know at what age it started for me, but I now realize that I pick apart in my head every woman I come in contact with, whether it is their body type, their outfit, or their hair. I’m to blame for my own insecurities because I judge everyone else; I assume they’re judging me as well.

This poisonous competition ends today for me. It ends this second. I have to stop letting these negative thoughts rent room in my head and start being positive for other women. I have to stop comparing myself and putting them down so I can feel better about my body or my look. We gals are the only ones who really understand each other anyways.

I know men face weight and health issues just like we do, yet they will never fully comprehend the pressure that we have put on ourselves. The desire, no, the need to look perfect, to dress perfect, to look like supermodels while working full time and raising a family, and smiling about it. It would be a lot less lonely of a journey if we learn to lean on each other for strength instead of tearing each other apart out of spite.

Workin' it

One of my only complaints about my job so far is that it requires I sit down for 8 hours a day. I get sleepy, I get hungry, and I get bored. All of which drive me to snack.

I’ve started bringing healthy snacks like cheese, yogurt, fruit, and rice cakes, so this is helpful, but no matter how it’s sugarcoated I’m being mostly sedentary for 40 hours a week. While making coffee the other day an idea came to me, and good ideas pre-coffee are rare for me.

I’ve seen tips on blogs about making yourself stand up once an hour and walking to the water fountain or the bathroom, so you’re not sitting down all day. This was a start but my job is pretty flexible so I thought I could do better than that. I created a little work out system where at the top of every hour I stand up and do a small activity. Then in the middle of every hour I’ll do something else that will work a different muscle. This is what I came up with for me:

Monday
On the hour- 50 jumping jacks
On the half hour- 10 push ups

Tuesday
On the hour- 50 high knees in place
On the half hour- 25 crunches

Wednesday
On the hour- 50 jumping jacks
On the half hour- 25 air squats

Thursday
On the hour- 50 butt kicks in place
On the half hour- 20 lunges rotating

Friday
On the hour- 50 jumping jacks
On the half hour- 20 calf raises

Each workout takes less than a minute. Even though I’m in an office by myself I keep the door open, so to not be seen I go behind the tall part of my desk and complete the workouts. If you have a similar situation, or you don’t care that your co-workers stare at you and whisper about you being a freak, go ahead and steal my workout.

If you’re not in an office where this is possible then take a look at your day and see where it does have room for easy workouts such as these. For example, I suggested to a teacher friend who’s always on her feet that she try to work a certain amount of calf raises into her day. Depending on the grade and leniency of the school you could also turn it into a fun classroom activity to stand up once a day and do 100 jumping jacks or something. Those who work in cubicles could always look into exercise methods like DeskCycles. These mini bike peddles can be hidden under a desk but actually work great, and I found some on amazon for less than $40.

This new plan makes my day pass faster, and the bottom line is that I feel better about myself when I can work a little cardio into my 8 hour work day.

Patience is a virtue...that I don't have

It’s been almost a week of my “new me” regime, and I am facing my first hurdle. I want results. Now. I am borderline obsessed with seeing a difference in my body. I’ll do a sit up, check for abs. Do a sit up, check for abs. Nothing.

My Mom always said patience is a virtue that I lack.

I read in a medical journal (okay fine, I read it on Pinterest) that it takes four weeks for you to see your body changing, eight weeks for your friends and family, and twelve weeks for the rest of the world. I can hear my mom’s voice in my head saying “See? I told you to be patient.”

But being patient when you’re trying to get your body into shape is difficult. Who wants to get sweaty and push themselves for no results? Why run today when I won’t notice it tomorrow? I was asking myself this specific question while I was putting on my running shoes yesterday and I had my epiphany. If I don’t run today, I’m not going to run tomorrow, or the next day. And in 6 months I’m going to go through another “poor fat me” phase and start this whole process over. Or I could go run today and in six months maybe my body will be where I want it to be.

Like this

Well maybe not like that.

So I’m making a decision that’s out of character for me: I’m going to listen to my Mom’s voice in my head. Instead of looking in the mirror after a workout, or a billion times a day, I’m trying to focus on how my body feels. Although I get winded pretty quickly during a working, I do have more energy during the day and I’ve been sleeping better at night. Plus after I run or walk I don’t want to let my body down by eating a greasy cheeseburger, so I’m being inspired to eat healthier as well.

I’ve heard of people taping inspiring quotes to their mirrors, ceilings, refrigerators, etc., and I love that idea. For me simple pictures of me from a year ago are inspiration enough, but I suggest you do whatever it takes to stay focused.

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels....??

Most of my life I was the skinny girl of my friends. I don’t mean fit or in shape, I mean skinny. I ate whatever I wanted and it never showed. I was involved in dance and a few sports off and on, so I wasn’t a total couch potato, but I certainly didn’t worry about eating veggies vs. a frozen pizza, or if I had worked out that week at all. Calories and the people who counted them made me chuckle.


Last spring when I graduated college and my dance career ended, the last thing I was worried about was my weight. My first year in the “real world” consisted of living in my parent’s basement and waitressing while trying to find a job that would pay for my student loans. With a reasonably flexible schedule, I did a decent job of staying fit. I would go through periods of working out every day, eating healthy, trying cross fit and yoga and other momentarily popular workout regimes. Then I would get bored, and frankly I would just miss chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream too much to care. That complacent attitude of hardly working out and eating a lot of fast food would last a few weeks and then I would go into healthy-mode again.

Have you ever heard that phrase “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”? Yeah, well, that’s a lie. I can name about 20 foods off the top of my head that taste pretty damn worth it. Whoever came up with that phrase obviously has never had bacon, or peanut butter Oreos, or Wendy’s French fries dipped in a Frosty, or my favorite frenemy: beer.

I am under no circumstances an alcoholic, and I don’t have a drinking problem. But I am a 24-year-old with friends who enjoy playing beer pong, and going to bars some days. Like Fridays. And Saturdays.

But I didn’t realize how fast those empty calories would add up when I wasn’t dancing two hours a day on top of our team workouts. Let me tell you, a couple 30 packs can make you look about six months pregnant pretty damn fast.

I digress.

So for the first year my weight would fluctuate a little but not enough for me to worry. Until just a few months ago, when the best thing and worst thing happened to me. I got offered a job that I actually love. My boss is easy going, I truly enjoy the work I do and seem to be good at it, and the people in my building are normal and nice. Otherwise this blog would be called “things my crazy coworkers do.”



So you may be asking why is this job also the worst thing? I’ve been at my job about four months now. And sitting down for eight hours a day has started to show in my 24-year-old body. And I got scared. If I'm seeing these negative results after just four months, how am I going to look in four years? I’m not used to struggling to pick out an outfit that hides my stomach rolls. I’m not used to sucking in so people don’t ask me if I’m pregnant (which has happened twice but who’s counting). I’m not used to trying to turn sideways for pictures or angle myself so I look smaller than I am. It’s new to me and it’s affecting my everyday life. I get paranoid and nervous to be around my friends sometimes because in the back of my mind I’m thinking, “I wonder if they noticed I got bigger, are they making fun of me right now?”

Time out: before I get too far into this, let me just say I know I’m not “fat.” And I hate that word, for the record. I am not looking for lectures about how beauty is in the eye of the beholder and blah blah blah. And I’m also not digging for compliments. I am confident and I know my strengths and I know I could be in way worse shape, but I could also be in way better shape. I just want to clarify this before the critics set in. I will not tell you my measurements or anything like that because that’s not really the point of this. My point is to keep a written record of this part of my journey, and maybe help someone else who is in a similar situation to make improvements to their health and life. And also, I want to create a place where people who feel similar can discuss their triumphs and tribulations. Because I know with this process I’m going to need some encouragement, it makes me think I’m not alone with these feelings. I want to create a community to cheer each other on because we genuinely care, not because it’s our job. And a community where we can talk about how this journey isn’t a piece of cake (no pun intended), but is actually very emotional and trying. I personally know I can’t make this lifestyle change alone.

Okay, time in.

It took me about a month of self-deprecating comments and self-pity for me to have an epiphany. I can totally do something about this.

Step 1: Take a picture. I took a picture of myself in tight shorts and a sports bra so all of my insecurities are exposed, and hid it in a secret place. Hopefully down the road I’ll look at the picture, comparing it to my future self and think “damn you got hot.”

Step 2: Study your body. I actually looked at myself in the mirror and tried to picture what is reasonable for my goal. I’m never going to have a big perky butt or a “badonkadonk” if you will. That’s just not how my body frame is built. And I also have to accept that in this process of getting fit, I’m going to have to say goodbye to the boobs I’ve grown the last few months. Tears will be shed, I’m sure.

But I like step 2 because it gave me time to spend with myself to see where I can improve and also what I like. My legs still have toning from my dancer days, and my arms have held muscle well from carrying trays at the restaurant. So it turns out I don’t hate my entire body, hooray! By doing this I also stopped putting unattainable goals in my head. Despite this journey I’m never going to have the same body as Jessica Alba, or Jessica Biel. I needed to recognize this and accept it. And believe me, it took a while to let go of the picture of the perfect me that I drew in my head, I’m still working on it to be honest. You need to spend time figuring out the areas you like and the areas that need work, and accept your body in its imperfections.

Step 3: Make an exercise goal. Here’s my problem: I have a bad habit of being rambunctious but not following through. So I could say I’m going to wake up at 6 am and run every day before work, after work, and after my second job waitressing, But that’s just a big fat lie. So I am going to start with the goal of one physical activity every day. I will either run, or jog, or walk briskly. Every day. Along with this I’m trying to put extra effort in where I can; for example, walking up the 66 stairs to my third floor office rather than use the elevator. The elevator smells like moth balls anyways, so this is a win-win situation for me. My advice is to look at your own schedule and try to figure out what’s realistic. If you have an extra three hours to spend in the gym, more power to you. I fear most of us, though, do not.

Step 4: Eat healthy. So much easier said than done. And once again the problem I face is diving into a goal full force, and then burning out. I’m not going to tell myself I’ll cut out everything unhealthy and only eat vegetables and homemade meals, because for me that will last about a week. But I am going to make myself eat a serving of vegetables with all three meals, even if the other part of that meal is a double cheeseburger. And I will work more fruit into my day, separately from other food.

My genius friend Meg informed me of this little fact I never knew: “Keep in mind with fruit that it is the single most easily digestible thing humans can eat, so it's not advisable to mix with other foods (they break down really quickly, while carbs/proteins/starches do not, so the fruit begins to ferment in your body because it gets slowed down, leading to indigestion, bloating and general feeling of "ugh." And then the sugars in the fruit sit there longer and your body doesn't know what to do with them so it stores them.” Thanks Meg.

So more veggies and fruits, less Taco Bell and Burger King, this is step one for me, and I think a huge part of this journey is creating realistic steps that can be carried out, rather than going from fast food fanatic to health-food princess who loses 10 pounds and then falls off the wagon.

Step 5. Do it. The next step is putting all of this into action and always increasing your goals so you’re not settling for mediocre. I would love to hear anything you want to share, fun work out ideas, healthy recipes people actually want to eat (and people like me can actually cook), and most importantly I would love to hear the ups and downs of your journey. And here we go.