Most of my life I was the skinny girl of my friends. I don’t mean fit or in shape, I mean skinny. I ate whatever I wanted and it never showed. I was involved in dance and a few sports off and on, so I wasn’t a total couch potato, but I certainly didn’t worry about eating veggies vs. a frozen pizza, or if I had worked out that week at all. Calories and the people who counted them made me chuckle.
Last spring when I graduated college and my dance career ended, the last thing I was worried about was my weight. My first year in the “real world” consisted of living in my parent’s basement and waitressing while trying to find a job that would pay for my student loans. With a reasonably flexible schedule, I did a decent job of staying fit. I would go through periods of working out every day, eating healthy, trying cross fit and yoga and other momentarily popular workout regimes. Then I would get bored, and frankly I would just miss chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream too much to care. That complacent attitude of hardly working out and eating a lot of fast food would last a few weeks and then I would go into healthy-mode again.
Have you ever heard that phrase “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”? Yeah, well, that’s a lie. I can name about 20 foods off the top of my head that taste pretty damn worth it. Whoever came up with that phrase obviously has never had bacon, or peanut butter Oreos, or Wendy’s French fries dipped in a Frosty, or my favorite frenemy: beer.
I am under no circumstances an alcoholic, and I don’t have a drinking problem. But I am a 24-year-old with friends who enjoy playing beer pong, and going to bars some days. Like Fridays. And Saturdays.
But I didn’t realize how fast those empty calories would add up when I wasn’t dancing two hours a day on top of our team workouts. Let me tell you, a couple 30 packs can make you look about six months pregnant pretty damn fast.
I digress.
So for the first year my weight would fluctuate a little but not enough for me to worry. Until just a few months ago, when the best thing and worst thing happened to me. I got offered a job that I actually love. My boss is easy going, I truly enjoy the work I do and seem to be good at it, and the people in my building are normal and nice. Otherwise this blog would be called “things my crazy coworkers do.”
So you may be asking why is this job also the worst thing? I’ve been at my job about four months now. And sitting down for eight hours a day has started to show in my 24-year-old body. And I got scared. If I'm seeing these negative results after just four months, how am I going to look in four years? I’m not used to struggling to pick out an outfit that hides my stomach rolls. I’m not used to sucking in so people don’t ask me if I’m pregnant (which has happened twice but who’s counting). I’m not used to trying to turn sideways for pictures or angle myself so I look smaller than I am. It’s new to me and it’s affecting my everyday life. I get paranoid and nervous to be around my friends sometimes because in the back of my mind I’m thinking, “I wonder if they noticed I got bigger, are they making fun of me right now?”
Time out: before I get too far into this, let me just say I know I’m not “fat.” And I hate that word, for the record. I am not looking for lectures about how beauty is in the eye of the beholder and blah blah blah. And I’m also not digging for compliments. I am confident and I know my strengths and I know I could be in way worse shape, but I could also be in way better shape. I just want to clarify this before the critics set in. I will not tell you my measurements or anything like that because that’s not really the point of this. My point is to keep a written record of this part of my journey, and maybe help someone else who is in a similar situation to make improvements to their health and life. And also, I want to create a place where people who feel similar can discuss their triumphs and tribulations. Because I know with this process I’m going to need some encouragement, it makes me think I’m not alone with these feelings. I want to create a community to cheer each other on because we genuinely care, not because it’s our job. And a community where we can talk about how this journey isn’t a piece of cake (no pun intended), but is actually very emotional and trying. I personally know I can’t make this lifestyle change alone.
Okay, time in.
It took me about a month of self-deprecating comments and self-pity for me to have an epiphany. I can totally do something about this.
Step 1: Take a picture. I took a picture of myself in tight shorts and a sports bra so all of my insecurities are exposed, and hid it in a secret place. Hopefully down the road I’ll look at the picture, comparing it to my future self and think “damn you got hot.”
Step 2: Study your body. I actually looked at myself in the mirror and tried to picture what is reasonable for my goal. I’m never going to have a big perky butt or a “badonkadonk” if you will. That’s just not how my body frame is built. And I also have to accept that in this process of getting fit, I’m going to have to say goodbye to the boobs I’ve grown the last few months. Tears will be shed, I’m sure.
But I like step 2 because it gave me time to spend with myself to see where I can improve and also what I like. My legs still have toning from my dancer days, and my arms have held muscle well from carrying trays at the restaurant. So it turns out I don’t hate my entire body, hooray! By doing this I also stopped putting unattainable goals in my head. Despite this journey I’m never going to have the same body as Jessica Alba, or Jessica Biel. I needed to recognize this and accept it. And believe me, it took a while to let go of the picture of the perfect me that I drew in my head, I’m still working on it to be honest. You need to spend time figuring out the areas you like and the areas that need work, and accept your body in its imperfections.
Step 3: Make an exercise goal. Here’s my problem: I have a bad habit of being rambunctious but not following through. So I could say I’m going to wake up at 6 am and run every day before work, after work, and after my second job waitressing, But that’s just a big fat lie. So I am going to start with the goal of one physical activity every day. I will either run, or jog, or walk briskly. Every day. Along with this I’m trying to put extra effort in where I can; for example, walking up the 66 stairs to my third floor office rather than use the elevator. The elevator smells like moth balls anyways, so this is a win-win situation for me. My advice is to look at your own schedule and try to figure out what’s realistic. If you have an extra three hours to spend in the gym, more power to you. I fear most of us, though, do not.
Step 4: Eat healthy. So much easier said than done. And once again the problem I face is diving into a goal full force, and then burning out. I’m not going to tell myself I’ll cut out everything unhealthy and only eat vegetables and homemade meals, because for me that will last about a week. But I am going to make myself eat a serving of vegetables with all three meals, even if the other part of that meal is a double cheeseburger. And I will work more fruit into my day, separately from other food.
My genius friend Meg informed me of this little fact I never knew: “Keep in mind with fruit that it is the single most easily digestible thing humans can eat, so it's not advisable to mix with other foods (they break down really quickly, while carbs/proteins/starches do not, so the fruit begins to ferment in your body because it gets slowed down, leading to indigestion, bloating and general feeling of "ugh." And then the sugars in the fruit sit there longer and your body doesn't know what to do with them so it stores them.” Thanks Meg.
So more veggies and fruits, less Taco Bell and Burger King, this is step one for me, and I think a huge part of this journey is creating realistic steps that can be carried out, rather than going from fast food fanatic to health-food princess who loses 10 pounds and then falls off the wagon.
Step 5. Do it. The next step is putting all of this into action and always increasing your goals so you’re not settling for mediocre. I would love to hear anything you want to share, fun work out ideas, healthy recipes people actually want to eat (and people like me can actually cook), and most importantly I would love to hear the ups and downs of your journey. And here we go.
Last spring when I graduated college and my dance career ended, the last thing I was worried about was my weight. My first year in the “real world” consisted of living in my parent’s basement and waitressing while trying to find a job that would pay for my student loans. With a reasonably flexible schedule, I did a decent job of staying fit. I would go through periods of working out every day, eating healthy, trying cross fit and yoga and other momentarily popular workout regimes. Then I would get bored, and frankly I would just miss chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream too much to care. That complacent attitude of hardly working out and eating a lot of fast food would last a few weeks and then I would go into healthy-mode again.
Have you ever heard that phrase “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”? Yeah, well, that’s a lie. I can name about 20 foods off the top of my head that taste pretty damn worth it. Whoever came up with that phrase obviously has never had bacon, or peanut butter Oreos, or Wendy’s French fries dipped in a Frosty, or my favorite frenemy: beer.
I am under no circumstances an alcoholic, and I don’t have a drinking problem. But I am a 24-year-old with friends who enjoy playing beer pong, and going to bars some days. Like Fridays. And Saturdays.
But I didn’t realize how fast those empty calories would add up when I wasn’t dancing two hours a day on top of our team workouts. Let me tell you, a couple 30 packs can make you look about six months pregnant pretty damn fast.
I digress.
So for the first year my weight would fluctuate a little but not enough for me to worry. Until just a few months ago, when the best thing and worst thing happened to me. I got offered a job that I actually love. My boss is easy going, I truly enjoy the work I do and seem to be good at it, and the people in my building are normal and nice. Otherwise this blog would be called “things my crazy coworkers do.”
So you may be asking why is this job also the worst thing? I’ve been at my job about four months now. And sitting down for eight hours a day has started to show in my 24-year-old body. And I got scared. If I'm seeing these negative results after just four months, how am I going to look in four years? I’m not used to struggling to pick out an outfit that hides my stomach rolls. I’m not used to sucking in so people don’t ask me if I’m pregnant (which has happened twice but who’s counting). I’m not used to trying to turn sideways for pictures or angle myself so I look smaller than I am. It’s new to me and it’s affecting my everyday life. I get paranoid and nervous to be around my friends sometimes because in the back of my mind I’m thinking, “I wonder if they noticed I got bigger, are they making fun of me right now?”
Time out: before I get too far into this, let me just say I know I’m not “fat.” And I hate that word, for the record. I am not looking for lectures about how beauty is in the eye of the beholder and blah blah blah. And I’m also not digging for compliments. I am confident and I know my strengths and I know I could be in way worse shape, but I could also be in way better shape. I just want to clarify this before the critics set in. I will not tell you my measurements or anything like that because that’s not really the point of this. My point is to keep a written record of this part of my journey, and maybe help someone else who is in a similar situation to make improvements to their health and life. And also, I want to create a place where people who feel similar can discuss their triumphs and tribulations. Because I know with this process I’m going to need some encouragement, it makes me think I’m not alone with these feelings. I want to create a community to cheer each other on because we genuinely care, not because it’s our job. And a community where we can talk about how this journey isn’t a piece of cake (no pun intended), but is actually very emotional and trying. I personally know I can’t make this lifestyle change alone.
Okay, time in.
It took me about a month of self-deprecating comments and self-pity for me to have an epiphany. I can totally do something about this.
Step 1: Take a picture. I took a picture of myself in tight shorts and a sports bra so all of my insecurities are exposed, and hid it in a secret place. Hopefully down the road I’ll look at the picture, comparing it to my future self and think “damn you got hot.”
Step 2: Study your body. I actually looked at myself in the mirror and tried to picture what is reasonable for my goal. I’m never going to have a big perky butt or a “badonkadonk” if you will. That’s just not how my body frame is built. And I also have to accept that in this process of getting fit, I’m going to have to say goodbye to the boobs I’ve grown the last few months. Tears will be shed, I’m sure.
But I like step 2 because it gave me time to spend with myself to see where I can improve and also what I like. My legs still have toning from my dancer days, and my arms have held muscle well from carrying trays at the restaurant. So it turns out I don’t hate my entire body, hooray! By doing this I also stopped putting unattainable goals in my head. Despite this journey I’m never going to have the same body as Jessica Alba, or Jessica Biel. I needed to recognize this and accept it. And believe me, it took a while to let go of the picture of the perfect me that I drew in my head, I’m still working on it to be honest. You need to spend time figuring out the areas you like and the areas that need work, and accept your body in its imperfections.
Step 3: Make an exercise goal. Here’s my problem: I have a bad habit of being rambunctious but not following through. So I could say I’m going to wake up at 6 am and run every day before work, after work, and after my second job waitressing, But that’s just a big fat lie. So I am going to start with the goal of one physical activity every day. I will either run, or jog, or walk briskly. Every day. Along with this I’m trying to put extra effort in where I can; for example, walking up the 66 stairs to my third floor office rather than use the elevator. The elevator smells like moth balls anyways, so this is a win-win situation for me. My advice is to look at your own schedule and try to figure out what’s realistic. If you have an extra three hours to spend in the gym, more power to you. I fear most of us, though, do not.
Step 4: Eat healthy. So much easier said than done. And once again the problem I face is diving into a goal full force, and then burning out. I’m not going to tell myself I’ll cut out everything unhealthy and only eat vegetables and homemade meals, because for me that will last about a week. But I am going to make myself eat a serving of vegetables with all three meals, even if the other part of that meal is a double cheeseburger. And I will work more fruit into my day, separately from other food.
My genius friend Meg informed me of this little fact I never knew: “Keep in mind with fruit that it is the single most easily digestible thing humans can eat, so it's not advisable to mix with other foods (they break down really quickly, while carbs/proteins/starches do not, so the fruit begins to ferment in your body because it gets slowed down, leading to indigestion, bloating and general feeling of "ugh." And then the sugars in the fruit sit there longer and your body doesn't know what to do with them so it stores them.” Thanks Meg.
So more veggies and fruits, less Taco Bell and Burger King, this is step one for me, and I think a huge part of this journey is creating realistic steps that can be carried out, rather than going from fast food fanatic to health-food princess who loses 10 pounds and then falls off the wagon.
Step 5. Do it. The next step is putting all of this into action and always increasing your goals so you’re not settling for mediocre. I would love to hear anything you want to share, fun work out ideas, healthy recipes people actually want to eat (and people like me can actually cook), and most importantly I would love to hear the ups and downs of your journey. And here we go.
